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Conscious Conversations

My monthly newsletter to help you stay conscious and connected in life, in love and in leadership.

It’s was pretty special to gather with a few of It’s was pretty special to gather with a few of the @nycp_uk community for our in-person Brunch Meet Up in London yesterday 👏🏼

It’s strange how many of us have spent nearly 3 years connecting monthly on Zoom, and yet there is still a sense of newness to meeting in person (people are always taller than I imagine 😅).

The @nycp_uk is just over 900 strong now, which just shows that though younger counsellors and psychotherapists may be a minority within the industry (less than 18% under the age of 45), we are a growing generation of passionate professionals who want to connect and collaborate in service of championing mental health.

Considering how after just one interview together, Ali @tiliatherapy and I created the network in the midst of the pandemic, I am pretty proud of what it’s become.

Our next online gathering will be on Wednesday 19th April (details to be released soon!). Visit the @nycp_uk bio link to join our closed Facebook group 💛 

#therapistsofinstagram #community #connection #mentalhealthprofessionals #networksupport
Connection, community and plenty of conscious cont Connection, community and plenty of conscious content to digest last week after another fantastic Psychosynthesis Coaching Symposium in London. With a poignant opening keynote and presentation by Alexandra Hatfield and adrian machon, the day was abundant with workshops on:

✨ Dialogue between Sacred Feminine & Emergent Masculine
✨Art and Imagination in Coaching
✨Eco-psychosynthesis and;
✨Archetypal Feminine Leadership (to name a few)...

Not only were the talks and presentations thought-provoking, I was reminded of how special it is to connect with like-minded and soul-led professionals within the coaching field, dedicated to bringing brave conversations to life within leadership.

As always, great to meet new people as well as see a few familiar faces. Thank you to Psychosynthesis Coaching Limited and all who organised, hosted, presented and attended.

Looking forward to seeing what next year brings already! 👏🏼
Still feeling energised and encouraged by the incr Still feeling energised and encouraged by the incredible turnout and topics at this years BACP Student Conference that took place on Saturday.

Not only was I impressed by how well the event was run, but I was even more heartened by the enthusiasm and willingness of the students to engage in challenging conversation and proactively seek to bridge the gap between training and building their career.

I was honoured to be a guest speaker this year, sharing my pathway of how I have built an ethical, sustainable and fulfilling career as a #psychotherapist and #coach.

The amount of feedback and comments received has been both wholesome and welcomed!

Thank you to all those who made the event what it was, including the team, exhibitors, students and fellow guest speakers 👏🏼
What a fantastic way to kick-start the week, prese What a fantastic way to kick-start the week, presenting to 140 employees at @simplyhealthuk about the myth of 'Work-Life Balance' and how to move towards a 'Whole-Life' perspective.

Since the phase first arrived on the scene in the 1970-80's, the term Work-Life Balance has been put on a pedestal as the ultimate sweet-spot of unchanging stability to be strived for. Something that simply isn't achievable or realistic in our ever-evolving, adapting lives.

Rather than project ideals on a polarised split of Work vs Life, we are called for a more holistic perspective, that acknowledges how both our personal and professional lives have the capacity to meet our needs when identified and counter-balanced.

Together we explored:

📊 The Evolution & Myth of Work-Life Balance
🏡 Why #workingfromhome isn't the Golden Ticket
🖼 Realistic Reframe: Counter-Balancing
💡 Introducing a Whole-Life Perspective
🎡 The Wheel of Life as a Helpful Tool
🔎 Identifying Imbalance
✅ How to Implement Boundaries & Self Accountability

It was great to receive such positive feedback and hear how many people resonated with the new perspective. Thank you especially to @kamwellltd for the work they do to support these important messages, and to Luke Robinson for championing the subject matter within Simplyhealth!

#worklifebalance #workplacementalhealth #leadershipcoach #consciousbusiness #consciousleadership #workplacehealth #workplacewellbeing #mentalhealthawareness #employeementalhealth #employeesupport #employeewellnessprograms #psychotherapist #bestpractice #burnout #burnoutrecovery #burnoutprevention #wheeloflife #therapistsofinstagram #therapistlife #psychotherapistsofinstagram #mondaymotivation #mentalhealthatwork #careerdevelopment #personaldevelopment #consciousness #consciousliving #traumainformed
🎞‘Narcissism as a wounding where they stay st 🎞‘Narcissism as a wounding where they stay stuck’

This client, who has featured on #ReelsFromTheRoom before with regards to generational trauma, has been moving mountains in the therapeutic process.

A reoccurring theme of our work circles back to the central understanding that they are part of a complex family system where wounding and emotional pain is ‘hot potatoed’ from one person to another.

This process of projection (that is largely unconscious) is part of a strongly repeated pattern with one family member in particular, who my client experiences as both generous, loving and supportive, and equally manipulative, shaming and judgemental.

The emotional whiplash of love bombing and overwhelming anxiety of upsetting them pointed to a hypothesis that this person carried a level of narcissistic wounding.

It’s important to note here that I specifically use the term ‘hypothesis’ as it is not possible (nor my ethical place) to ‘diagnose’ a third party with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but to help my client understand the relational dynamics in terms of narcissism as a wounding.

Narcissism is increasingly being thrown around on social media, and unfortunately misunderstood in many ways. Like all pathology, we exist on a sliding scale - with NPD on one extreme end and healthy self esteem being the on the same continuum. 

Whilst diagnosed NPD is less common, we all to some degree carry a form of wounding that means we care about self image, look for validation and use people or situations to get our needs met.

Working through their experiences, my client was able to identify the wounded parts of their family member, see beyond the grandiose armour, and separate themselves from the feelings of inadequacy that were projected on them.

Understanding narcissistic in the context of wounding enabled them to have both compassion AND learn to establish solid boundaries around the behaviour that wasn’t emotionally safe of acceptable.

Do you identify with the above? 

Is there someone in your life that this resonates with?

Drop a comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts…
“If CURE is the banishment of life-impairing sym “If CURE is the banishment of life-impairing symptoms or conditions,

HEALING is the process of reuniting ourselves of the inner qualities that still live within us as inherent possibilities,

and that makes life worth living.”

- @gabormatemd 

What a privilege it was to meet Dr Gabor Maté this time last week in London, as he led talks on the premise of his new book:

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Gabor spoke about the disconnect between Western Medicine and the mind-body connection; the way in which society itself is systemically traumatised and traumatising; that much of modern ‘parenting’ is actually creating insecure/ambivalent attachments; and how we learn as children to abandon our authenticity in the desperate attempts to remain in relationship to others.

As a psychotherapist and organisational leadership coach, I hold Gabor’s work not just in high regard, but as a much needed voice of truth and humanity in an increasingly fractured, stressful and disconnected world.

I’m only a few pages into his book and already, I am highlighting line after line that deeply resonate with myself and the stories of my clients.

If anyone wants to familiarise themselves more, I highly recommend his recent documentary The Wisdom of Trauma, available online via a small nominal donation.

And I would love to hear your thoughts on any material that you have discovered of Gabor’s that has resonated?

Charlotte✨

#drgabormate #gabormate #traumarecovery #traumahealing #traumacore #traumainformed #traumatherapy #traumatherapist #traumaresponse #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #psychotherapist #therapistofinstagram #selfawareness #authenticity #attachmenttheory #consciouscommunity #consciousleadership #depression #anxiety #toxicculture #personaldevelopment #traumacoach #peoplepleaser #transformationtuesday #therapyworks #selfhealers #therapythoughts #qotd
🎞“Colluding, with good intention…” Part 🎞“Colluding, with good intention…”

Part 2 of this #ReelsFromTheRoom talks to one way that generational trauma can show up in relational dynamics.

This client began to recognise the wounded patterns of relating to their Mother through Transactional Analysis, and how their Inner Child would try to rescue their Mother’s Inner Child (see Part 1), who had suffered considerable trauma in childhood.

In a recent exchange, the client, now more conscious and aware of the dance between them, resisted acting on the pull to rescue their Mother when she got upset, and instead stayed connected to Self and held a healthier boundary.

In the moment they described feeling deeply sad, overwhelmed and helpless, but also really proud of doing it differently.

They had leaned into trusting that, as they had realised from their own healing journey, no one can do the inner work for you and as best intentioned their rescuing was, it further colluded with the wounded pattern between them.

This led to a wider 💡 moment, seeing this pattern play out with other members of the family too; a fiercely loving tribe of women who were determined to protect the client from their own childhood trauma whilst simultaneously projecting their own wounding, to which the client would launch into Rescuer for.

It was an unconscious cycle of codependence and collusion, done with love and good intention from people who cared and who were hurting.

All of this awareness unfolded within 1 session.

Sometimes there is a moment when one event unlocks the bigger picture, like looking at a puzzle from a different angle and suddenly clarity emerges.

It takes enormous courage to do this inner work, and sometimes more courage to trust that you can’t do the work for others.

I don’t believe healing inner wounds is something that can be cured, but I do believe in the power of becoming Conscious.

It is a lifelong practice, but a practice that can change lives.

I wonder what this 2-part series has awoken in you?

*as always, shared with client consent
🎞 “When you know you can’t do the work for 🎞 “When you know you can’t do the work for them…”

In this 2 part #ReelsFromTheRoom I talk through the dynamics that I observe between a client and their experience of their mother.

This client had a enmeshed relationship with their mother growing up, and had taken on the role of parentified child when their mother had suffered with depression.

This has created a merged, co-dependent attachment that left the client feeling very responsible for their mother’s emotional state, often sacrificing their own needs in order to tend to the mothers.

Having spent time understanding the pattern played between them, this client consciously held an important boundary in an effort to move their relationship into healthier grounds.

Rather than self-abandon and launch into rescue, they didn’t try to fix, rationalise, or play therapist, but instead sat with their own grief in understanding that they couldn’t do the inner work for the other person.

Whilst painful to their inner child, the client felt empowered in being able to exist within their own autonomy of experience and take care of themself.

Learning to trust this process is something that many clients I’ve worked with find difficult.

And it is also one that I too, as a therapist supporting clients, revisit often in understanding that too cannot do the work for anyone else.

I wonder if any of the above resonates?

Part 2 will be shared in the new few days 🙏🏼

 #innerchild #innerchildhealing #innerchildwork #innerchildtherapy #innerchildwound #therapyworks #therapistsofinstagram #traumahealing #traumarecovery #traumacore #traumainformed #traumatherapy #traumabond #motherwound #motherwoundhealing #psychotherapy #psychotherapist #counselling #counsellorsofinstagram #peoplepleasing #peoplepleaser #selflove #anxietysupport #therapythursday #thursdaythoughts #therapysession #beconscious #consciousnessshift #motherdaughter
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